Epping Foresters Cricket Club

When you imagine siblings, you often think of similarities. Same hair, same sporting style etc. However when it comes to the Bishop's and their cricketing style, polar opposites are truly in force. For starters Mini Bish (a nickname he truly treasures) knows how to play an attacking shot. Master of the retro cricket attire which includes some dashing pullovers, Jordan once wore a baggie that was so rascal it blinded all those who glared upon it. One to watch for the season, even if it is just so we can harass his brother for him being the better cricketer some more. 

We are all hoping for a season of instantly forgettable mediocrity from the fat lad as this will represent a significant improvement from recent campaigns. Now that his eyes have been fixed he will have no excuse for poor performance except the blindingly obvious lack of any ability. Sadly, not blinding enough to anyone who has the misfortune to witness his dreadful efforts.

A new edition to the Stags, having recently joined from the dark side of Epping (we won't mention that though). After finally seeing some sense, Tom has plenty of promise to offer, although he keeps informing his captain that he bowls better when the skip isn't present. Make of that what you will. Mr Davies is also an Orient fan, so seemingly used to pain. He will fit right into the changing rooms with Frenchy and his 'banter'. 

Something strange happened to Fletch in 2016. He decided to stop drinking?! This had a dramatic effect on his body and left his whites looking like Fat Bastard at the end of the final Austin Powers. Fletch also seemingly forgot how to bowl during the season with figures of 0-15 off 1 over and 0-28 off 2 overs. What he didn't forget however was his ability to bludgeon the ball into oblivion, clearing the ropes with ease on numerous occasions. When he isn't mixing himself with the stars of cricket like Sachin and Eoin Morgan, hopefully Fletch can rediscover how to catch and bowl and all will be well.

I will be lucky to be alive at 79. Bernie however is still cruising the streets in a coupe, still taking trips out on Sunday with his girlfriend and still bowling maidens for fun. After passing the hundred over mark last season, The Maestro has proven he still has the minerals to continue his successful career long past my inevitable mental breakdown over team selection. Also known to replicate Rahul Dravid when he bats, you will not get this man out, its as simple as that. 

Master of the the forward defensive, ambitious hoick to covers and dropped catch, Frenchy Senior also conveniently provides a mobile dressing room wherever he travels. Perhaps the most surpising revelation about Frenchy over the 2016 season is that he actually has more than two shots in his locker. After some quite valid sledging from a Wormley side on the attack asked him if he had more than one shot. He duly obliged with a swashbuckling innings that even included a reverse sweep (we think thats what it was anyway). Somewhat less surprising is that Frenchy is on his final warning for shocking banter in the whatsapp group. Anymore and he is out. 

A fine season opening the attack from the pocket rocket. After his fine service for the army has come to an end, Robbie has been able to focus even more on his one true love of catching one handed. No one know why he does it, including himself but hey ho. The G-star also packs a punch with the bat which considering he is about 5ft tall, is pretty impressive. Some quickfire innings supported a 100+ over season and we expect much of the same for the upcoming year. 

Much to his delight Benno spent the first part of the season in the 1st XI, with a relatively successful return. Of course this did wonder for his morale and happiness. Upon return to the 2nd team, the mean bean of the Stags took a fine catch, diving off to his left and completing a one handed pluck. Upon completing the catch, he decided to celebrate the fine achievement.. fair enough. However the tit managed to celebrate, arms outstretched to the one part of the ground that had no one standing and watching, much to the confusion of his teammates. The grumpy bunny also remembered how to bowl this year without hurting his back or being tired after two balls, taking a couple of 5fers in some unplayable spells. You'd think all this would accumulate into him cracking a smile right?! You would be wrong. 

H achieved something truly impressive during the 2016 season, as he managed to top Benno's ability to be the most miserable bastard on the pitch! Something that takes pure skill and determination without a doubt. Whilst he wasn't able to keep his most wickets crown from the season prior, a strong return of 15 wickets was respectable nonetheless. Perhaps the finest moment though for the human skeleton was his first ever six. Its been a long time coming with the railway sleepers he takes out to bat. We are hoping that H returns from university fresh, slightly more bulked up (fatter) and STD free although he is at Trent so no promises on the latter part.  

Once again Jamie was there to step up to the plate whenever his services were required. Whilst his services normally involved the abuse of his son (encouraged throughout), Jamie often took delight in being replaced last minute prior to a game so he could kick back with some alcohol. Unfortunately this gave less opportunity for him to outscore H and gloat about it, maybe this season will be different.. 

What a season for young Max (when he managed to avoid being picked for the 1s). Some serious knocks including a massive 150, and his usual mix of relaxed slow medium and a fair few catches to add to an average of over 80. More impressively, he is also somewhat of an instagram superstar and most likely to be described as 'Reem' amongst any of the Foresters clan. As already mentioned however, the lad does have a slight distaste for playing in the 1st team, which might have something to do with a certain leave, played to perfection... that rattled into middle stump. The ball done nothing, literally nothing and to this day we have no idea what was going through his head, but hopefully plenty more runs for the blonde bombshell in 2016

What a fine season for the youth team superstar. A burst into the 1st XI capped with a maiden half century, a fine century for the 2nd XI combined with a number of important catches and finally wickets and runs for the Sunday side (and breathe). Its hard to believe that Mr Piggles is still the tender age of 15! His poor parents chauffeur him to at least a thousand matches a season, which is no exageration! The lad can't get enough of cricket, which is surprising considering the rule that no cricketer actually likes playing cricket. Once again one to watch for the upcoming season, whether it is in the 1st or 2nd team, or simply to watch his mum chase him down to clip him round the ear..

The cheeky chap was back behind the sticks for another season (apart from when he wasn't there and his skipper ended up taking more catches, awks). Teddy had the delight of scoring his first century this season, even if it was against a group of 11 year olds.. They all count right? His reputation at the top of the order of scoring 30 in no time at all before missing a straight one continues to grow and we are hoping this year that shot selection becomes a weapon in his Arsenal. He also took the risky move of bringing his girlfriend to a match, much to the delight of Frenchy Senior. 

While these bios are of course meant to be cricket, its hard not to mention Jake's recent health kick. Seriously he is proper buff. With the discovery of some questionable tablets and some place called the gym, Jakey baby has shed those pounds and the benefits have been seen on the field. His wicket celebration dance moves are now famous across Essex, and his tight match day shirt makes all the middle age women watch on in awe. Jake also found himself in the 1st team for the majority of the season, rising to the challenge well. On one of his few appearances in the 2s, Jake opened the batting in true Tinseltown style. 4, dot, 4 (lost ball) out. If we can remind him what the offside looks like there could be a wealth of runs, scored at a quick rate this season. 

The 2nd team resident youth ginge (behind Fletch) once again further his cricket by leaps and bounds, arguably ending the season as the best fielder in the side. A fearless ability to throw himself around and a safe pair of hands acted as a fine combination. JoeJoe also rediscovered his wiley medium pacers as the season went on and there is certainly promise for a bagful of wickets if this continues. We just need to make sure he has his factor 500 on at all times..