Epping Foresters Cricket Club

Master of the nuclear marathon, the Foresters resident fitness guru had a steady season when he wasn't saving damsels in distress and cats for the RAF. He also enjoyed his first game as wicket keeper, and I kid you not, was more excited at the chance than Scouse Dan during happy hour, throwing himself down legside like he was diving into the sea mid triathlon. Even though he is STILL most likely to appear in a naked charity calender, Beast Mode Barrick is close to tying the knot, so if we can all have a moments silence for the cricketing career he could still be having.

Just in case anyone didn't know, Rhys is still a vegan. Even though you no doubt knew that, because vegans can't go five minutes without telling everyone. Unfortunately the blonde bomber was too busy saving the world to play much cricket in the 2016 season, we hope that this changes and his idealistic, environmentally friendly bowling action can return once more.

Arguably the most successful season middle Capewell has seen, unless we are talking about his hair... Runs and wickets aplenty, including a fine century for the 1s, Jack managed to keep his cool better than he kept his hair. A weird bald patch appeared and has since been regrown, pointing towards some questionable post match antics being the culprit. With more variations than body fat, there is much promise for the upcoming season from the all arms and legs bowling action of Jacko. 

Not much has changed for the U13 looking wicket keeping sensation. Still taking catches for fun, still turning up on match day looking like he has been repping the ends all night previously and still getting out in every way imaginable. Harry also proved that the Capewell bowling blood continues to run strong with some fine cameo appearances with the ball. Once again he has threatened to turn up to training more often, only to bottle it last minutes. Once again, no change there then. 

Oh Lou Lou bear, where do we begin. When he wasn't melting off to his Mrs (which was a lot), Louis was busy participating in the attempted murder of local Essex and Hertfordshire batsmen. Lou Lou's motto is 'if it doesn't bounce it doesn't matter and he lived up to his motto, bouncering and beamering his way across the county. Well for about four overs he did anyway before he got tired and had to be taken off. A small miracle also occurred this season when the resident cutie pie also discovered this magical delivery called a 'slower ball'. Maybe this season he will find better excuses for when he has plans with the Mrs, time will tell.

Its a surprise that Frenchy Junior is still with the club after his recent found fame. A mammoth innings of 193 which included a flurry of six 6s in an over against local rivals Epping propelled Frenchy to internet stardom. Local and national news jumped on the story, which was made even funnier when his Dad made up quotes on his behalf and used it as a job advertisement opportunity. All in all a successful season for Jonty, managing to finally break himself free of university (we genuinely thought he would never leave) and contribute to the 1st teams successes. Even more impressively, he regularly puts up with his Dad's woeful chat in the 2nd XI whatsapp group. 

Our resident overseas superstar has once again had a solid season with the bat. By the bat I mean numerous bats, because without sounding like i'm exaggerating, he genuinely has over 500 bats at any one time. Still the finest fielder in the league and with a true passion for shower time, Azza is now seen as a true veteran of the first team set up. Perhaps this season could be the year that his skipper finally unleashes the A train's demon pace and bounce into the attack. 

The self proclaimed 'Best number three in the league' backed up that claim with a bagful of runs and wickets. Top runner scorer and top wicket taker, Durwood let his cricket do the talking, which we are all incredibly grateful for after his history of shocking chat. With the ability to bowl both spin and fast medium, we also assume dan is able to sway both ways sexually to due to his love of tight fitting tshirts. Has potential to excel in division one, where his stinky chat will once again be right at home.

The ginger gully galvanizar (see what I did there) once again enjoyed a fine season with his freakishly large hands. Some fine catches and some truly awful chat were a big part of Big Macs Saturday, whilst he also returned a good return of runs and wickets. Whilst he didn't manage to clear the clubhouse this season please continue to refrain from mentioning it, as he will no doubt delight in retelling the tale.

What a shame it was that young Eddie decided to take a sabbatical to Thailand in order to study male genitalia. Had it not been for this, he could easily have ended up steering the Foresters even further up the table with his deceptive swing. Upon return from Thailand and a few penicillin shots later, Eddie was back to his tricks, swinging it both ways, using all the experience he had acquired on his travels. Oddly enough I also don't think he was required to bat once during the 2015 season, a rare achievement given the Forester collapsing ability.

What a fine season for the youth team superstar. A burst into the 1st XI capped with a maiden half century, a fine century for the 2nd XI combined with a number of important catches and finally wickets and runs for the Sunday side (and breathe). Its hard to believe that Mr Piggles is still the tender age of 15! His poor parents chauffeur him to at least a thousand matches a season, which is no exageration! The lad can't get enough of cricket, which is surprising considering the rule that no cricketer actually likes playing cricket. Once again one to watch for the upcoming season, whether it is in the 1st or 2nd team, or simply to watch his mum chase him down to clip him round the ear..

While these bios are of course meant to be cricket, its hard not to mention Jake's recent health kick. Seriously he is proper buff. With the discovery of some questionable tablets and some place called the gym, Jakey baby has shed those pounds and the benefits have been seen on the field. His wicket celebration dance moves are now famous across Essex, and his tight match day shirt makes all the middle age women watch on in awe. Jake also found himself in the 1st team for the majority of the season, rising to the challenge well. On one of his few appearances in the 2s, Jake opened the batting in true Tinseltown style. 4, dot, 4 (lost ball) out. If we can remind him what the offside looks like there could be a wealth of runs, scored at a quick rate this season. 

After a season of embedding himself in the year prior, Dan was much more comfortable in the Foresters settings this year. By that I mean he continued to flirt with the cricketing wags in attendance, insult all members of the opposition and Bish (mainly Bish) and drink in abundance. I vaguely remember Scouse claiming to have some ability with the bat when he joined the club and if you count getting stumped after scoring 2 runs as ability then he was bang on! His bat doesn't help in this matter however and actually seems to have a negative effect on the ball. A proud owner of some rascal attire and an even more questionable haircut last season, finding Scouse after his Friday night antics was often the Saturday morning challenge. Making sure he was sufficiently not sober proved to be much less difficult..